Heavy's Wreath

Today was the first day we have been to the cemetery in over two weeks.  We felt a desire to go and visit the babe before the snow fell and Peter and Maria were game for a visit too.  They love to go to the cemetery because we let them take off their seat belts :)

When we arrived we purchased a wreath to place on Heavy's grave, both for the Christmas season but also so we can find his "place" when the snow is on the ground.  ~~Hence the picture above~~

People have been asking me how we are doing.  My answer is simple... we are doing really well.  We did SO much grieving and processing before Heavy was born, that the after grief has not been a weighty burden. We have found a new rhythm for our family, and are working on taking back our life.  Since May Heavy and his well-being was the center of our everyday decisions.  We are really enjoying putting some pieces of our life back together.  We are also simply enjoying life: each other, the seasons, and our friends.  God has richly blessed us.

Thank you friends for so faithfully showing concern for our family and praying for us as we have traveled this road.  Please continue to walk with us as we seek to do life with our community.

Much love

Some of our favorite photos

I thought some of you may like to see some more photos from our time with Heavy.

Enjoy!

Heavy's first photo! He is still gooey from being born.  Look at his eyes! He is alive!

One of my favorites. I love his sweet face here and his little foot.

Giving Heavy's his bath.  

As you can see he had a full head of hair (just like Peter and Maria), he also had dark peach fuzz on his arms.

Heavy's 18 inch casket. This photo was taken at his funeral.

Our last family photo with Heavy

Peter placing his flower next to his brother.

Maria's turn to place her flower.

My Shepherd knows where I am...

What I have to share today is nothing profound, but it is a slice of comfort for our family, and a glimpse at what the Fanchi’s are thinking…

Thursday, while putting Maria down for her nap, she asked for a Bible story instead of a book.  (We usually read the Bible stories at bedtime).  I said ok and flipped open Peter and Maria’s Children’s Bible to the next story in line, titled The Good Shepherd (Psalm 51, 2 Samuel 7 and a paraphrase of Psalm 23). 

I read aloud the children’s paraphrase of Psalm 23, “…Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places I won’t be afraid because my Shepherd knows where I am….”

It has taken all three of our children to remind and re-teach Peter and I the simplicity of following Jesus.  Even when we are scared, afraid, sad, walking through the valley… our Shepherd knows right where we are. As we feel like we are settling into a new family rhythm, and are thankful and humbled by all we have been given, our Shepherd knows where we are.  In all seasons He knows us completely.

We have had good days and bad days and know that will continue. The tape that keeps playing in our head is, “our shepherd knows where we are…” We cling to our Shepherd, knowing he will not leave us.

Thank you for being on the journey with us

~Chelsea and Peter 

Heavy's Slideshow

We are so thankful to those who took care of us while Heavy was entering and exiting this world.  Kathrine, my midwife is amazing!  She has been with me for the births of all of our babies, I love her more fully than I can put into words. Kathrine had arranged wonderful nurses who would work well with our family given our situation, in fact I think one of our nurses was an angel in disguise, her name was Tiki.  She took around 300 pictures of Heavy and did lots of video taping for us (along with another nurse named Lori).

Peter and I were able to spend around 9 and half hours with Heavy after he passed.  During that time we were able to give him a bath, do hand and foot prints, take foot impressions, snip a lock of his dark silky hair and just love our boy.  Tiki was with us for around 6 of those 9-ish hours.  It is amazing how powerful experiences can draw people together, Tiki feels like family to us, like family to Heavy.  Next to his parents, Heavy's body spent the most time with her.

Heavy was born at 9:27 pm on Sunday, we were moved to our recovery room around 3:30am.  Kathrine had made arrangements for us to be in a room next to parents who have children in the NICU.  By around 4:30 am Peter and I crawled into the twin hospital bed, pulled up the bed rails on either side and placed our son, bathed and wrapped in the blanket given to him by his cousin Anabelle, and then wrapped in the fuzzy white blanket we purchased just for him in June, between us.  With our arms around each other and our sweet baby we dozed.

Leaving the hospital with empty arms was a fear of ours.  How would we know when we would be ready to leave our son behind? I had a hard time falling asleep, instead I closed my eyes, caressed Heavy's hair, placed our checks together and sang to him, by the time sleep overcame me it was around 5:30am.  I was stirred around 6:15am, I looked at our son and it was so clear that what was nestled between Peter and I was a shell.  (This clarity was an answer to prayer) I woke Peter up and we agreed that it was time to say good-bye and I love you.  We were not able to take him down to the morgue, so we called the best person we could think of... Tiki.  Before her shift was over at 7am, she came to our room, and we lovingly placed him in her arms.

Tiki gave us a wonderful gift.  Not only did she take care of us and our son with a pure love, but also created for us a keepsake we will treasure forever, our slideshow.

Enjoy meeting Heavy and catching but a glimpse of our time with him.

** I cannot figure out how to embed the video into our blog, below is the link to the video on vimeo**

vimeo.com/15829300

Heavy's Eulogy

On May 11^th we began a journey.  We did not sign up for it, and certainly were not excited about it.  We were shoved through a door that closed behind us.  The only way to go was forward.  It is on this journey we have been changed.  We have learned lessons and have been impacted forever by our son, Heavy.

The moment we laid eyes and hands on Heavy we knew and accepted in our hearts that he was not made for this world.  However, in a way his twisted and broken body was perfect.  We had come to realize that Heavy was not created to be only our son.  He is surely a precious gift, but one that we are meant to share.  He is God’s gift.  The catholic monk Thomas Merton said, “A tree glorifies God by being a tree.”  We believe that Heavy has and will glorify God by being, well, Heavy.

Perhaps the greatest example if not the greatest miracle in this is that God is a redeemer.  What should be nothing but a terrible thing God can claim and make good.  We have seen that over and over in the past 5 months

We have also learned that odds don’t always mean a whole lot.  We were told Heavy would not likely live more than 3 weeks past May 11.  But he was determined to catch a glimpse of this world.  His fight and resiliency inspire us.

Throughout our journey we have probably learned the most by watching this through the eyes of Peter and Maria. 

Maria is a sweet 2 year old.  She has always been excited about her little brother Heavy and talks now about how cute he is.  Her face lights up when she talks about holding him and kissing him nicely.  She danced her way into the funeral home the other day, so excited to see her brother one more time and give him the picture she made for him. 

Peter has been at times frighteningly profound and wise far beyond his 4 years.  The depth and innocence of his thoughts have taught us much and served as a humbling reminder of Jesus’ words in Luke 10, “…you have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent, and revealed them to little children.  Yes, Father, for this was your gracious will.”  Over the past 5 months often it has been Peter that has opened our eyes, lifted our heads, and pulled us into another phase of the journey. 

            The day we found out we would have another baby we told the kids.  Peter said, “It’s going to be a boy, and his name will be Heavy.” We didn’t think much of it at the time, but he had no idea how prophetic that was.  Then in May, finding out there were serious abnormalities in our child was a crushing blow.  We were devastated.  In that moment, Peter taught us to hope as he repeated words back to his parents that have been spoken to him when he feels his world is crashing down. Everything would be fine.  Heavy would be ok.  One of the most difficult things to watch as a parent was Peter taking his doctor kit, walking over to Chelsea’s belly and saying he was going to fix his brother.  There was then a period of time where nearly every day Peter would tell his brother jokes, snuggle Chelsea’s belly to give him hugs and kisses, and tell him goodnight before he could himself fall asleep. He was soaking up every moment he had with his little brother, and he reminded us to do the same.

            As we began to talk to the kids more about that Heavy would probably not come home with us, but instead would go straight to be with God Peter would say things like, “its ok, we will get to see him when we die and go to Heaven.”  He would wonder whether he and Heavy would go to the same Kindergarten, Heavy’s school would just be in Heaven. 

            His sense of duty to care for and love his brother is remarkable.  On Wednesday morning, we went to the funeral home to place Heavy in his casket and place in there some pictures the kids had made.  Each of the kids also brought a band-aid.  A tissue sample had been taken from Heavy’s leg and the kids each wanted to give him a band-aid to cover it.  We had planned to have the funeral director place the band-aids on Heavy and wrap him in the blanket we had brought.  We would then place him in his casket as a family.  Peter became angrier than we have ever seen him.  We found out the source of his anger was the band-aids.  He told us that he wanted to place the band-aids on Heavy’s leg because that is what a big brother should do. 

            That morning, Peter and I placed a Star Wars Yoda band-aid on Heavy’s leg, with a Strawberry Shortcake band-aid right next to it.  We then together wrapped him in his blanket and carried him to Chelsea and Maria so we all could place him in his casket.  The love and sense of duty Peter showed to his little brother was moving beyond words.

            Later that night He was talking about Heavy and how what we saw today was only his shell.  His eyes were wide as he talked about Heavy’s new body in heaven that works and is perfect.  Then he paused, and said, “Wait a minute, do you mean that when I get to heaven, I will get a new body too.  Just like this one?”  Chelsea said, “That’s right.”  Then he smiled big and said, “Isn’t Jesus nice?”

        It is with those words in our heart that we enter the next chapter of this journey.  We are thankful for the time we had with our son, we will love him forever, and we know that God is still good.

Our sweet boy before his bath

Our family

kids are welcome!!!

Peter and Chelsea wanted to emphasize that all children are welcome to come to Heavy's service.  Children are welcome to be in the service if you would like, or there will also be child care available.

Heavy's funeral

There will be a funeral for Heavy this Friday (oct. 8) at 3:00.  the service will be held at Calvary Church (address below) with a brief reception following.

Calvary Church
2608 Blaisdell Ave. S.
Minneapolis, MN  55408

There will be a burial service on Saturday for the family only.

Fanchi family update

Hey all- We wanted to give you the latest update from the Fanchi family.  First of all, we have more of Heavy's information.  He was 3 lbs, 15 oz, 18 1/2 inches long, and had a full head of hair.  It was very clear that he was a Fanchi, as he looked much like little Peter did.

They were released from the hospital around 9:00 this morning.  They had a good day and are doing well although very tired.  The kids have been asking a lot of questions and seem to be grasping things as best as they can.  Sweet little Maria was walking around all day saying, as only she can, "Heavy". "Jesus". "Heaven".   All of the grandparents (Peter and Chelsea's parents) are still in town.  They had a family pizza night tonight and spent time reminiscing about Heavy and the journey they've all been on these last few months.  Some holy time to be sure.

At this time, Peter and Chelsea are not up for visitors - they need some time and space.  For now, if you have any questions please contact me (alwjes@hotmail.com or 612-202-5968) or ben (benppost@gmail.com).  Also, i know that a lot of you are wondering about funeral services.  Nothing has been scheduled yet, but a date for the service will be scheduled in the next couple of days and I will let you know as soon as it is scheduled.  I am planning on setting up a meal schedule for them.  Right now, the grandparents are taking care of food for them, so the schedule will start up after they leave...again, i'm not sure exactly when this will be, but I will let you know.

Thank you all for your faithful and continued thoughts, prayers and encouragement for our dear friends.  We know that they appreciate it and will continue to need our prayers and support in the weeks and months ahead.

ben and jes 

Heavy

Thank you for all of your prayers...they were heard and felt.  Heavy was born at 9:27pm (oct. 3).  One of Peter and Chelsea's prayers was they would be able to hold their little boy, alive, and that little Peter and Maria would get to meet their brother.  This was answered.  As they held him, they knew that he was broken and not meant for this world.  At 9:45, Heavy's spirit left this world to join his heavenly father. 

There was a holy time of loved ones getting to meet and spend time with Heavy.  There was a mix of tears, hugs, photos, Peter and Maria playing (especially with the buttons and levers on Chelsea's bed :)  ) and peace.  But most of all, LOVE.

It was obvious that Peter and Chelsea could feel your prayers for peace.  somewhat surprisingly, they shared that they felt thankful.  Here are a few of their prayers that were answered.  The labor went as well as it could have (although drugs were used to induce the labor, she did not have to have any other additional drugs).  That they were able to hold Heavy for 15 min. while he was alive.  All of the grandparents,and Uncle Paps were able to be there, meet him, and hold him.

A blessing was offered by our Pastor, reminding us all that Heavy's body is no longer broken; and in Heavy's short life he has taught us so much.  Jesus' victory over death gives us the hope to endure the pain and loss of Heavy, and reminds us that we will be reunited with Heavy some day.

Thank you again for all of your love, support and prayers.  Continue to lift our precious friends up in the days, weeks, and months to follow.  We will let you know other ways to support them in the near future.

with much love for our dear friends,
Ben and Jes

progress

we were just notified that things are progressing and Heavy is expected to arrive in the next 2-5 hours.  At this point that is all we know, we will continue to keep you all informed as we learn more

its time to get on our knees...

Peter and Chelsea are making their way over to the hospital.  In order to make sure they get time with Heavy, they have made the decision to induce labor tonight.  This was a difficult decision for them.  Chelsea has reservations about being induced and further complicating an already complex pregnancy.  Their preference is always to have a natural child birth with no artificial or synthetic procedures, however the desire to spend time with Heavy while he is still alive is a bigger priority.  There was some concern that if they wait longer, they might not get precious time with him. 

please lift them up. pray for:
-smooth labor and delivery
-precious time with Heavy
-PEACE
-courage and strength as they face fears and the unknown
-little Peter and Maria as they try to process all that is happening with their brother Heavy

We will continue to keep you all updated as things progress.  thank you for all of your prayers....

on behalf of the Fanchis

still waiting for Heavy's arrival...

hey all, this is ben and jes taking over the communication for the next few days.

at this point there is nothing new to report.  Peter and Chelsea are back at home, hoping that labor will resume again soon.  Please continue to lift them up as we all anxiously await Heavy's arrival.

if you need to get in touch with us in the next couple of days, here is our contact info:
Jes: 612-202-5968
        alwjes@hotmail.com
Ben: benppost@gmail.com

we will keep you all up to date with any news or updates.  If you don't hear anything, you can assume that we are all still waiting for Heavy's arrival.

with love for the Fanchis,
Ben and Jes

To the hospital we go

We are on our way to North Memorial in the next few minutes.  It is earlier in labor than with the other babies, but that we will be there in plenty of time.  

Love to you all. 

Fanchi's

Around 2:15 begin again...

We are back at it.  After a nice bath, shower and slice of peanut butter toast, Heavy has begun to make his move again. 

Please pray that when we decide to move labor to the hospital we don't experience rush hour traffic.  When Maria was born we were in stop and go traffic.  This was not fun! 

Please pray for wisdom regarding when to leave for the hospital.  I LOVE to labor at home, I LOVE my midwife, I don't love the hospital, but I know what we need to be there in plenty of time because of Heavy's conditions. 

Thank you and we love you all. 

Chelsea and Peter

Labor has s l o w e d to a stop...

We are trusting in God's perfect timing for Heavy.  Around 2am I prayed that I could feel him knock one more time and that it would be memorable before he was born.  For around 15 minutes he and I knocked to each other!  God is Good!  By 2:30am or so my contractions had eased to the point of being able to fall asleep.  

We all slept until 8am!  

We will keep you up-to-date as to the Heavy happenings.  We are thankful that within the hour all grandparents will be in Minneapolis.  We are resuming what we know so well... waiting... 

Love, 

The Fanchi's 

Labor has started.

It looks like we are going to be welcoming an October baby.  I woke up at 12:08 with contractions and they have been happening sporadically but with much feeling since then.  Our family has been notified and are making the proper travel arrangements.  

We will keep you posted.  

Thank you for your love and prayers. 

Chelsea and Peter

A Week of Encouragement

This week our family has been encouraged by so many of our friends and family.  Thank you for ministering to our hearts.  We wanted to take a minute and share some of the passing encouraging messages that have come our way, in hope that they may touch you too.

As of this past week I am convinced that God does in fact care about the little things in our lives.  (Sometimes I am skeptical that little things really mater to His Kingdom).  A week prior to this past Saturday we noticed that the shower in our bathroom was causing the wall in our kitchen (which is directly below it) to bulge… we had a leak.  We have known for a while that our shower was improperly installed when we purchased the house, but we were always going to fix it later.  Well that “later” arrived two weeks before Heavy’s due date.  We have spent the last week and a few days without a place to shower and are taking baths instead.  I am so thankful that Peter as a former carpenter/contractor has the knowledge, skills and experience to replace our shower in the evenings.  The past two nights we have spend tiling together, feeling tremendous pressure to get the shower finished before Heavy is born. As we were laying out all of the tile for the shower Peter realized that everything was going to fit perfectly with a very few number of special cuts!  This was wonderful news and such a blessing to us. It felt as though the need to get the shower done quickly really mattered to God.

Through a number of friends and acquaintances this week we have heard the message again and again, that God does not promise that life will be easy, rather that he promises we will not walk alone.  We will be carried by His presence and by his children we are in relationship with. 

We have also been challenged this week to think more broadly… more eternally.  So often we pray for physical protection… when we are away from our loved ones, when we travel, to keep from illness… God never promises us physical protection, but protection for our souls.  This challenge helped us to put our coming weeks into perspective.

I attend a weekly bible study and this week’s interactions with the other women and the teaching time really touched me.  Little Peter has always had a hard time separating from me.  In the church nursery… crying, at preschool… crying, or needs to be bribed with treats and a “brave” note when I drop him off, at bible study… crying.  My sweet boy really wears his heart on his sleeve and feels his emotions powerfully.  Today as we were leaving a mother came up to me and (re)introduced herself to me.  Her daughter and Peter are in the same preschool class and bible study children’s class.  This was a huge praise for us, because now Peter has a “friend” with him each day he has a programmed class, and hopefully that separation transition will be easier.

During the teaching time at the bible study today the leader shared a quote from CS Lewis which says,

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. 

We have been amazed at how powerfully God has shouted his comfort, his love, his promise, and his solidarity during our journey with Heavy. 

Also at bible study today I met a woman who five years ago delivered her first child, born still at 40 weeks.  This woman is the first peer that I have meet who has gone through a similar experience to what we are anticipating… delivering a child and not leaving the hospital with our precious baby in the car seat carrier and nestling in at home. (I have meet older women, who have done this 44 years ago, 20 years ago, but none as little as 5  years.  I greatly value the perspective of each woman and where they are at in their journey with loss).  I am thankful for this bible study already and the relationships I know that will develop over the course of this next year as we study the Bible together. 

We close this random, rambling update with some powerful words from a friend this week, in hope that it encourages you too, wherever you are in this journey called life.

At the fall of man in the garden we lost so much. It is evidenced through all the pain we see around us every day.  If we keep our eyes on these and so many other sad realities we will miss out on the abundant life Jesus not only promises, but gives us each day.

Rejoice in your new life in Jesus; you are bought by his blood!

Rejoice in your love for each other and the beautiful children God has given you to shepherd into his kingdom (what gifts!); exult each day in the life he gives as you wake each morning, and determine to "make the most of each opportunity" the day provides! Thank God for what you have and commit to Him what you cannot have, what he may take away. We must daily lay down our own lives and give back to him those we love if we truly wish to "keep" them, anyway (Jesus said that).

I am so sorry you must go through this hard time. My heart hurts for

and with you. But I have every confidence you both love Jesus and are clinging to him...he will give you the grace to walk the dark

valley...and bring you out of it to the light. There is light, and it

will be the sweeter to you for the darkness.

Thank you, our dear friends for your love.  You will receive an email/update/blog post/facebook note when we are at the hospital welcoming Heavy into our family.  Please pray for us, when you receive that message.  We will post pictures of our precious boy when we are able.  We all are anxious to meet him.

Love you all.

Peter, Chelsea, Peter, Maria and Heavy 

Heavy's Due date: September 27th

Shower for Heavy

We love our church.  This past Sunday Calvary threw us a very special baby shower.  The room was filled with people and families that love us and that we love tremendously.  We laughed, cried and prayed together -for our family-for Heavy-for healing (both physically for Heavy and for our hearts after he dies) - for preparations-for protection for our family-with praise for the way that God has walked with us and carried us along the way. 

One of the only movements of Heavy’s that I can feel is a knocking motion he does with the hand that is at his side (snuggled up on the right side of my abdomen).  During our prayer time he was knocking, almost as though he were acknowledging his being lifted up before the Lord. 

Our congregation also made us a memory blanket for Heavy.  It is a large cozy blanket that our family will be able to snuggle up in with on the days and nights that we miss our son/brother.  Tied to the blanket are messages and memories that will remind us of this special little boy.

Miracle after Miracle

Since May our journey with Heavy has been full of ups, downs and periods of feeling really normal, but it has been one that has been laced with miracles.  We are so proud of our son. 

On Monday we had our last perinatal doctor’s appointment.  Dr. Landers shared some good news with us.  He said that Heavy’s heart condition appeared to be getting better (as compared to the previous scan two weeks prior) and that the pleural effusions (fluid around the lungs) had decreased as Heavy’s lungs have grown. 

We asked Dr. Landers what this meant and he shared with us that he really wasn’t too sure, but was cautiously optimistic that we may have a bit more time with our son that we had thought.  Then he laughed and said, I am not really sure what to tell you because everything else I have predicted for this little guys based on his condition has been wrong, I never thought we would be here at 38 weeks with a live baby. 

Please continue to join us in praying for strength for Heavy’s body; we so badly want to meet our son.  We are looking forward to the day of his birth; to welcome him into our family… to hold him… kiss him… snuggle him…. snap tons and tons of pictures… and full of love, place him in the arms of his Heavenly Father.  As a family, we don’t feel we can take our next steps of healing until he is resting, his body healed in his forever home. 

Helping us after the birth

We know many of you are eager to help our family as Heavy’s arrival day draws near.  Our friends the Posts (Ben and Jes) will be serving as our voice for what we may formally need.  My guess it will be things like, meals, maybe making a grocery run for us, playing with Peter and Maria while Peter and I take a walk together to get some fresh air/clear our heads, or take a nap.

At this point we are going to let Peter and Maria take the lead as far as how much “time off” they need after Heavy is born, often times routine can be cathartic after a sad or traumatic event. With that said, we are planning on Peter continuing at school (M-T-W mornings) and we are planning on signing Peter up for soccer (Tuesday evenings) and Maria up for a gymnastics class (Wednesday evenings).  In the first weeks after Heavy’s birth we may need help getting our kids to school and their activities if they are feeling up to going. 

Thank you

We cannot express in words how much the cards, emails, meals, phone calls, babysitting, hugs, tears, and laughter have meant to our family during this time.  We have felt loved beyond measure, and are truly thankful to have been on this journey with you.  But the journey does not end here.  Perhaps it is just beginning.  We are anxious, scared, and, in a sense, excited for what the future brings.  We know that Heavy’s story is far from over and we look forward to walking the rest of this path with you.

With Love,

Peter, Chelsea, Peter, Maria and Heavy Fanchi

~~Also, we have started a family blog if you would like to follow us there: fanchifamily.blogspot.com ~~

Caught off guard

September 5th

Today was a really rough emotional day. I haven’t had one of these days since June. A WHOLE LOT OF TEARS!  Everything made me sad.  I pouted like a little kid. I didn’t want to be with people. I really don’t feel like I want to go through with the next few weeks. 

I am afraid.

Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of being sad for a long time.  Afraid of taking a whole lifetime of love and packing it into a few precious moments. Afraid of the afterward.

Peter with tears filling his eyes, gently, in his most loving way, reminded me that when Peter or Maria are in pain, or sad, our desire is to hold them until the hurt has stopped, and what a wonderful opportunity we have to do that with Heavy. 

Somehow, in my emotional messiness that helped my tears to slow down and to not be quite so afraid.  The future is always a bit scary, but I can get my head around moments of holding our child until they no longer hurt and then continuing to hold them. 

I even think that it is a blessing that we have the opportunity to be the ones who are with our child as his breath returns back to God (Ecclesiasts 12), the One who breaths life into us all.

In the midst of our fears, we KNOW that we are not alone.  This summer I had the opportunity to volunteer at Peter’s VBS at church. One of the nights a leader got dressed up at the disciple Peter and in character shared about the step of faith it took to walk to Jesus in the stormy water.  The leader, could have been speaking only to me, said, you just keep you eyes only on Jesus and step, then step, then step. 

That night at VBS as the elementary kids were watching the leader finish his silly Peter character skit, I was fighting back tears. Knowing that we, as God’s children, whom he fiercely loves are never forgotten.

Please pray for us as we wait and prepare for Heavy’s arrival.  We are 3 ½ official weeks away and counting.  (Due September 27)

On Monday August 30^th, we had our ultrasound.  Dr. Landers confirmed that Heavy does have a heart defect, one that is in fact operable, but not in his case due to all of his other health complications.

We also found out that our little guy was still breech, but, we have a ROCK STAR perinatologist who flipped Heavy manually (also called, version).  It kind of tickled and was really cool for Peter to see Heavy float across my belly.  My abdomen felt pretty beat up the following day, but I wouldn’t trade that for a cesarean any day!

Please pray that Heavy will stay head down! J

Since our last update we also completed our birth and life plan.  It was strange getting in writing what we wanted and did not want for our son’s life on Earth.

Please thank God with us that we feel confident and secure with our document. We know that God has helped us to create a peaceful plan for Heavy.   

With Love, 

The Fanchi Family

August 11th Update

August 11^th

On our way to the ultrasound on Wednesday, Peter and I were talking about what specific questions we wanted to ask, and how we were each feeling going into this appointment.  We agreed that it seemed quite strange that these advanced ultrasounds have begun to feel quite routine.

We both had only one question, “Doc, can you tell us what to expect?”

Earlier in the week, while the kids were napping I was attempting to finish reading a novel I have been reading for a while, I couldn’t get the name, arthrogryposis out of my head.  It was driving me crazy.  I figured that the only way to get it out of my head was to google it and find out more about our son’s disease.  I was thrilled to find out, as I was reading that we had been perfectly informed.  Our doctors had left out not one detail on the condition our son has.  This was a comfort to me and only increased our already high confidence in our team of specialists.  I also looked at images of children with this disease so we would be visibly prepared for our son’s appearance. Some of the pictures were clearly post-mortem images, others of adults who live everyday with the disease.  I am glad that I took the risk and that God protected my heart so that it was a helpful experience, and not a scary one. 

The ultrasound revealed to us two changes in Heavy’s condition.  First, is one of the valves in his heart has begun to leak.  This was expected, only the doctors had expected it would happen much sooner.  The other surprise is that our little guy turned around… he is now breach!  We go back in on the 30^th of August and our doc is going to attempt to flip him manually.  Even though we are LESS THAN THILLED that he is breach, it is pretty cool that he is strong enough to flip himself over, he keeps on surprising us with his strength and determination.

As we were discussing with our doctor the changes in Heavy and our question of what we can expect, he said a very sweet thing.  His words were, “your son is pretty remarkable, he continues to exceed everyone’s expectations.”  He also told us that Heavy’s outward deformities will be mild and that in some cases this disease can be pretty ugly. 

We are very proud that our son is a fighter, that he has exceeded expectations the experts have placed on his little life.  It seems his personality, even now, fits our family and that is not only encouraging to us but is also a testimony to the prayers lifted on his behalf.

Please continue to lift our family in your prayers, especially in these ways:

*We are beginning to feel anxious about the up coming birth.  Heavy’s arrival seemed to be such a long way off, and now we are approaching the 6 week mark!  It is a bit messy in our heads to prepare for the pure excitement of a birth and the courage to let the Lord scoop him up from our arms.

*Emotionally, physically, and spiritually we feel like we are in the eye of the hurricane. The huge storm has rolled through once catching us off guard and knocking us over.  We have cleaned up that mess, rearranged the items that were blown around, and prepared for the backside of the storm as best we can. Now we wait.  We feel at peace, and full of thanks for this time of waiting, we are cautious not to wish it away and with it Heavy’s life.

*We are so thankful for the random emails and cards from friends, family and total strangers.  Through them we have been uplifted. Thank you also for sharing our story with those you know, it brings us more comfort than we can express with words to know that however short Heavy’s life on Earth may be, his “story” will have a lasting impact on our family and those who have chosen to walk this journey with us.

*Heavy is once again in the breech position as we mentioned earlier in the update.  Our doctors think they can flip him to a head down position.  This will happen during the week of August 30^th sometime if necessary.  Please pray that he summons the strength and coordination to do it once more and only once on his own. 

*Join us in praying that Heavy would be strong, strong enough to be born alive, strong enough to live to meet and be held by his family.

*Please continue to pray as the spirit leads you and for others that we have mentioned in previous updates.

June/July Update

The following is a conversation I had with Peter before his rest time, this week.

“Mom, can I hold Heavy when he is born?”

“Of course you can, if he is breathing or not, you can hold him.”

“How can I hold him if he is already in heaven.”

“Just Heavy’s insides will go to be in heaven.”

“Will his insides look like a caterpillar?”

“I am not sure what his insides will look like.” (at this point I am not sure why he is asking that question)

“Will he be flat?”

“No, your brother won’t be flat.” (now I get it!  If Heavy’s insides are in heaven, then he must be flat… like he is destuffed… deflated) J

“Heavy’s spirit will go to be in heaven. Peter, I want you to think of something for a minute, but don’t tell me what it is until I ask, ok?”

“ok”

~Thinking, thinking, thinking~

“Were you thinking about pizza?” I ask him

“No.” he explains in a very dramatic voice, “I was thinking about trees, and that some trees have holes in them, and I am wondering why that is.”

“Peter, I had no idea that is what you were thinking about!  The thinking part of Heavy, the part of him that lets him feel, tells him when to laugh, when to cry, smile, be happy…. That is the part of him that will go to be in heaven.   The moment that Heavy stops breathing his spirit ~the thinking part of him~ will go right to heaven and he will have a perfect and unbroken body waiting for him. That is the body we will get to see when we meet him again in Heaven someday.”

As if everything is clear in Peter’s little world again, he replies, “oh. lets read our book now.”

We then read our book before rest time, all the while Peter has his arms around my 30 week sized tummy, snuggling and rubbing his baby brother Heavy.  At some point during the chapter we are reading his head migrates to my shoulder and he falls asleep there with his hand on my stomach.

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Our Heavy has a diagnosis, arthrogryposis.  According to our neonatologist, perinatologist, and midwife this really is a “garbage term” of a disease.  There is quite a spectrum.  There are some children that have this disease who go home from the hospital with their families and live a life that is typically wheelchair bound and in a special needs environment.

Our doctors have told us that Heavy is not on this end of the arthrogryposis spectrum.  His variety of the disease is fatal because of the number of additional anomalies that are present in his body.

We have begun to make a life plan for him.  What procedures we are and are not willing to perform in the short time we are given to spend with him.  Because we believe that he will be instantaneously made whole upon death, we are looking forward to quality time with him in place of quantity of time.

Our medical team has advised us that we will have hours or up to a couple days with Heavy.  Our plan is that family will be notified when we are in labor, they can quickly come to the hospital and as soon as he is born they will be ushered in so he can meet his family and we can enjoy him together.

Our due date is September 27th

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When we found out that our son was broken, we found an intense need to name him, to name his something that had significance and meaning for his and our situation.  We considered naming him Falito Jessiah (one who has been healed by God; God sees all, a gift from God, God exists).  However, we have realized we can only refer to him as Heavy.  Peter named his brother from the moment he knew of his conception.  We have found so much comfort in this name, and in the prophetic voice of our son.

Heavy has indeed been a heavy load to carry.  It has been difficult emotionally, physically, and to a degree spiritually.  Our neonatologists told us that our son will be heavy when he is born because of the extra fluid his has in his body.  My aunt Kristie passed long a page from the devotional, “Names of God” to us, referring to how “heavy” is a name related to God. The following is our summary of the devotional.

The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the Glory of glory thunders; the LORD is over many waters. Psalm 29:3

King David’s third son Absalom, had beautiful hair.  Scripture says that his hair was, “heavy upon him” (2 Samuel 14:26)

The Hebrew word that is used to describe the heaviness of Absalom’s hair is directly connected to the word scripture uses for “glory” when it addresses God as the “God of glory” it’s the word kabod, and it essentially means, “heaviness and weightiness.”

In scripture when the word El and Kabod are used in Psalm 29, the image that is painted in the writing, is a picture of God that displays undeniable heaviness, weight, gravity and substance to Him.

Throughout the journey our family is taking with the birth and giving over of Heavy to God we want God to be glorified.  We want His story told, how he has walking with us,  carrying us when we can’t walk and surrounding us with his presence that is felt through his Spirit and his people.

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If you are choosing to pray for our family during this time.  We are asking for these specific prayers:

When Peter was born we felt that we were able to bond with him even in the midst of our labor with him. (roughly 10 hours).  We were only in labor with Maria for four hours.  She was born so quickly that we didn’t feel like we were able to bond with her as she entered this world. 

We would like both of our sets of parents to be at the hospital waiting for Heavy to be born so they can meet their grandson.  They will be traveling from St. Louis (10 hours driving and 1 ½  hours by air –plus airline wait time etc), and Fargo (3 ½ hours driving). It is our sincerest hope that he is born alive and they are able to come in with our children moments after he is born and we can drink up his life together. 

It is at our core to believe that birth is a natural occurrence in life.  That if a mother is not sick, or injured that she does not need medicine to deliver a baby.  God created a women’s body to do it.  As a mother I have actually greatly enjoyed the whole process of birthing our children without the use of medicine but rather listening to my body and being surrounded and supported by those who I love and love me (Peter and our midwife, Kathrine Simon).

So here is our very specific prayer request: 

Please pray that Heavy is born alive. We want to meet our son and have him meet his family.

Please pray that the birth is be long enough for us to recognize it as labor, notify family and for them to arrive at the hospital in time for them to meet Heavy alive.

Please pray that given the emotional weight that this birth carries would not cloud my strength to deliver Heavy in a natural manner. 

Please pray for us as parents of Peter and Maria that we will continue to give them what they need as a four year old and a two year old.  And help them to process this in a healthy way.

Please pray for our next ultrasound Wednesday, August 11^th at 2:15pm.

~Peter, Chelsea, Peter and Maria

Psalm 89:1

“I will sing of your steadfast love,

         O LORD, forever;

     With my mouth I will proclaim your

         faithfulness to all generations.”

May 11th Update

Dear Friends and Family. 

Our journey since May 11^th, 2010 has been a difficult one.  On May 11^th we found out that we are anticipating the birth of another sweet baby boy, also on this day we found out that he has some significant abnormalities to his heart that will likely take his life before he reaches full term in September/October. 

It was this news that caused/causes us so much pain, and heartache.  We never imagined such a thing could ever happen… knowing your child was terminally ill in the womb and waiting… waiting for him to die, waiting and hoping he will be healed, waiting for the grief of not brining a baby home from the hospital, waiting… It was in this three week period of grief and waiting that I found deep comfort in Psalm 139, it reads:

O LORD, you have searched me and known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away.

You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue, O LORD, you know it completely.

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.

If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, your right hand shall hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light around me become night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you. 

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; that I know very well.

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.

In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed.

How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

I try to count them—they are more than the sand;

I come to the end—I am still with you

There are a number of things from this passage that bring immeasurable peace.

~God knows our thoughts even before a word is on our tongues~ 

It was and sometimes still is so hard to know how to pray and what to pray for… sometimes we just sigh… what comfort there is in a God that knows us so completely. 

~We are not alone~

 We can NEVER run or hid from the Almighty! He is with us, “hems us in”, and is with us no matter where we find ourselves.  Such peace we feel knowing that the dark is as light to him.

~God sees our unformed substance~

God loves all of us, with a PURE FATHER’S love! He is pained by our baby’s physical brokenness, He is pained at our parental loss, grief, and sadness, Psalm 100:3 says

Know that the LORD is God. It is he that made us, and we are His; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

~God stands with us~

We know that we do NOT make this journey alone, and when we come to the end (of all of life’s journeys) we are still with Him, and He with us. 

After receiving our devastating news on the 11^th we quickly realized that our son needed a name… WE needed him to have a name. Our son Peter, from the moment he knew we were expecting a baby, said we were having a boy and that we should name him, “Heavy,” so in his presence we call our baby son, Heavy… it is kind of his sweet nickname. Our baby’s formal names chose us more than us choosing them, (FYI, the order has not been determined). 

The first name that brought us peace, and continues to, is a Hebrew name, Falito, meaning, “One who has been healed by God”.  As we have begun to explain “Heavy’s” condition to Peter we have explained it to him that his brother is broken and the doctors can’t fix him.  Mom can’t fix him, Dad can’t fix him. On several occasions, Peter will get his doctor kit and tell us he wants to fix his brother.  We know that will not fix him either.  We find comfort in the knowledge that when he leaves us our son will be made whole, “fixed” by God.

The second name that brought us peace, and continues to, is also a Hebrew name, Jessiah meaning, “God exists, a gift from God, God sees all” As we have traveled this journey the past few weeks we have experience the miracle of prayer.  May 11^th we were struck with such grief we physically could not stand, two weeks later, we were able to say with a praise filled heart, God is good, even in the midst of such pain… God exists… As we have shared our son’s story with friends, family and those in our community, people have been struck by it, reminded of God’s love for them, reminded of who God has created them to be.  There is a song on the Christian radio station (a station my dial doesn’t happen to frequent… I listen to lots of preschool selections J) that I happened to pick up a few weeks before we found out about “Heavy’s” health problems.  It took on a new meaning for me after we had our news,

MATT MAHER- HOLD US TOGETHER

Love will hold us together,

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I’ll be my brother’s keeper

So the whole world will know we are not alone

Our church family has truly sheltered us with love.  We have never felt alone… phone calls… play dates… babysitters… meals… hugs, hugs, hugs.  This has been a testimony to the power of God’s people as we share life with one another and to the power of the Holy Spirit moving among His people… aGift from God…

On June 7^th we had a follow up ultrasound and found out that our son’s condition has worsened, he is only anticipated to live for another week or two, with only 10% chance of making it three weeks.  We knew that this appointment would not be an easy one, but we were hopeful that it would give us something to prepare for, and that it has.  We are beginning to think through the last parts of our journey with “Heavy” and to be honest, we feel heavy about the decisions that are before us and the road that we must travel.  We covet your prayers. 

On the night of June 6^th/morning of June 7^th, I had a dream that I held our son… and he was whole, perfect, smiling, a soft pink baby with fuzzy hair…a Gift from God, He has already healed him… I am thankful that Christ has overcome the world.

Since May 11^th, our baby’s pictures have been framed and serve as the centerpiece on our dining room table, we talk freely about him and the journey we all are on with each other and our support network.  Little Peter tells his brother jokes and stories and gives him all sorts of hugs; Maria loves to “pat baby.”  We are cherishing each moment with him.  On June 7^th Peter and I saw him swallow two times on the ultrasound… a living moment, in our hearts FOREVER!...

We are thankful for the life that we have been given, we know to a fuller degree how precious it is.  We are thankful and filled with wonder as we think about our two healthy children.  As we hold them tight and love them deeply, to have brought them home is truly a gift…Life is a mix…

We hold fast to the promise that our God is a redeemer and a place of rest for our souls (Matthew 11:28-30).  And it is here that we wait… and try to live as we wait… please wait with us and pray with us…

~Chelsea and Peter Fanchi

P.S. If you have noticed a name missing from this list, please forward it. Thank you.