Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday Heavy!

Heavy's headstone arrived on October 4th, two weeks early!  We were THRILLED it arrived during his birth week.  It seems a fitting birthday gift.  On the day it was placed we spend about an hour at "Heavy's Place" as a family, the kids chased each other around, had timed races and spotted a raccoon in a tree.  It was very nice time spend together.

 When Heavy's grave got grass this spring the kids made a marker for him made out of rocks, and sticks... 
This became the inspiration for his headstone. 

Turkey Thaw and a Warm Heart

We have a 22 pound turkey that has been sitting in our freezer for months!  Peter and I, wanting to make room in our freezer for our fall garden freezing extravaganza have decided to have friends over for dinner on Saturday to help us consume this bird.  I began to thaw the bird on Thursday in the fridge and today have taken it out and set it in the kitchen sink to thaw more quickly.

I am planning on being out of the house for a few hours to day, so I grabbed a pink double layer fleece blanket that I used to cover Maria's bucket carseat with. (I had just brought it inside, I had last used it the past two nights to cover my tomatoes).  I wrapped it around and tucked it under the turkey in case our mischievous little felines that we share our home with should smell it and decide they want a nibble.

I rub my hand over the pink fleece blanket and pause.


I keep my hand still.


The thawing turkey wrapped in a pink baby blanket, felt just like Heavy did the day of we placed him in his casket.  Hard and cold.  The chill and deep stiffness masked by the soft blanket.

My mind instantly went back to Henry Anderson Mortuary in South Minneapolis, the 1970's wood paneled office, out of date furniture, the love that was in that place (our family and the mortuary staff), and the image of my four year old son carefully carrying with pride and tenderness his baby brother upstairs to meet mommy and Maria in the office.

I smile at the thawing turkey.

I say THANK YOU to the Lord for the peace that flows in my heart and mind.

I say THANK YOU to the Lord for our Heavy and the memories we created with him.

I say THANK YOU to the Lord for the ways that he never leaves us, but continues to transform us.

I say THANK YOU to the Lord that a cold turkey which reminds me of our dead son doesn't cause me to crumble on the floor and cry, but instead to smile and find JOY in the memory.

Thin Spots

On Wednesday (March 16th), while driving home from the gym, the kids spotted Heavy's cemetery and asked to see him.  It was a great warm day, the snow was melting and the they had rain boots on, so I said yes, we could go. The car erupted into cheers!  They hadn't been up the hill to his grave since the snow had fallen.  We parked the car, found a spot on his hill where the snow wasn't very deep and hiked up to his grave.

The cemetery ground keepers were removing the Christmas wreaths that day and Heavy's had already been removed, leaving a depression in the melting snow.  Peter laid down in the depression, curled up and kissed the snow next to him, pat it gently and said, "I love you Heavy."  I stood holding Maria's hand watching my son have a moment with his brother.  We all were silent.

A car pulled up near ours a few minutes later and out came a man (who appeared to be a hired driver) and an old woman holding a bouquet of tulips.  They slowly made their way up the snowy hill made slippery and sticky by all of the March melting and began wandering around near us.  The beautiful woman with deep set wrinkles got her bearings by measuring her paces between the monument stones.  She was standing next to me, shoulder to shoulder.

In a mix of gestures, broken English, drawing in the snow and some help from her driver, we learned that she was looking for the headstone of her daughter, a surgeon who died in 2008 from breast cancer.  She knew the location of her daughters plot by the wreath that was next to it...  Heavy's.  I explained that the wreath, was my son's who died shortly after birth in October.  I showed the mother and her driver where her daughter's headstone should be.  They began to dig.... and dig... and dig... after nearly ten minutes of digging with a plastic cone/vase for the flowers, they struck granite.  The whole shape of the woman's face and wrinkles changed.  She was ELATED to have found her daughter.  We hugged.  We got tears in our eyes.  It was her daughter's birthday.

A very holy moment. Two mothers- one young, one old. Two children- one life so short, another lived and taken too soon. Two different native tounges.  One messy emotion of love, loss, joy, pain, and relief of having found your child.

This mother poured water in to the plastic cone/vase/shovel, which she brought with her in a Snapple jar and arranged the flowers.  She looked at the arrangement and smiled.  I can only imagine her thoughts and heart whispers to her daughter and to God.

I may never again see this woman, however, I will always remember her and honor the memory of her daughter when I visit my son and  I will never forget how close Heaven seemed to me that day, in the Celtic Christian tradition, those moments are called Thin Spots.  It was HOLY Time.

Celebrations!

The months of January and February are always fun months for our family.  Peter and I celebrate our wedding anniversary on January 10th, my birthday is on January 26th and Peter's birthday is on February 29th.  We celebrated our 7th year of marriage this year and are amazed at how quickly those years have gone by and all that they have been filled with. We are Thankful!

Yesterday was my 28th birthday, we had a nice time as a family doing normal life stuff, but this week marks more than the day of my birth.  It was my birthday week last year when we found out we were expecting a baby.  So we have been celebrating our Heavy too.   I miss him, and love him so much, while being in AWE of the power of God to mend our hearts.  We have resumed Fanchi life as usual and it feels so good.

Here are some pics of the kids from today playing "Mountain Climber" on the hill in front of our house.

It is my prayer that you find events and people to celebrate in your life.

~Chelsea

"Cheese Me Mama"

"Cruising down!"

Heavy's Wreath

Today was the first day we have been to the cemetery in over two weeks.  We felt a desire to go and visit the babe before the snow fell and Peter and Maria were game for a visit too.  They love to go to the cemetery because we let them take off their seat belts :)

When we arrived we purchased a wreath to place on Heavy's grave, both for the Christmas season but also so we can find his "place" when the snow is on the ground.  ~~Hence the picture above~~

People have been asking me how we are doing.  My answer is simple... we are doing really well.  We did SO much grieving and processing before Heavy was born, that the after grief has not been a weighty burden. We have found a new rhythm for our family, and are working on taking back our life.  Since May Heavy and his well-being was the center of our everyday decisions.  We are really enjoying putting some pieces of our life back together.  We are also simply enjoying life: each other, the seasons, and our friends.  God has richly blessed us.

Thank you friends for so faithfully showing concern for our family and praying for us as we have traveled this road.  Please continue to walk with us as we seek to do life with our community.

Much love

Some of our favorite photos

I thought some of you may like to see some more photos from our time with Heavy.

Enjoy!

Heavy's first photo! He is still gooey from being born.  Look at his eyes! He is alive!

One of my favorites. I love his sweet face here and his little foot.

Giving Heavy's his bath.  

As you can see he had a full head of hair (just like Peter and Maria), he also had dark peach fuzz on his arms.

Heavy's 18 inch casket. This photo was taken at his funeral.

Our last family photo with Heavy

Peter placing his flower next to his brother.

Maria's turn to place her flower.

My Shepherd knows where I am...

What I have to share today is nothing profound, but it is a slice of comfort for our family, and a glimpse at what the Fanchi’s are thinking…

Thursday, while putting Maria down for her nap, she asked for a Bible story instead of a book.  (We usually read the Bible stories at bedtime).  I said ok and flipped open Peter and Maria’s Children’s Bible to the next story in line, titled The Good Shepherd (Psalm 51, 2 Samuel 7 and a paraphrase of Psalm 23). 

I read aloud the children’s paraphrase of Psalm 23, “…Even when I walk through the dark, scary, lonely places I won’t be afraid because my Shepherd knows where I am….”

It has taken all three of our children to remind and re-teach Peter and I the simplicity of following Jesus.  Even when we are scared, afraid, sad, walking through the valley… our Shepherd knows right where we are. As we feel like we are settling into a new family rhythm, and are thankful and humbled by all we have been given, our Shepherd knows where we are.  In all seasons He knows us completely.

We have had good days and bad days and know that will continue. The tape that keeps playing in our head is, “our shepherd knows where we are…” We cling to our Shepherd, knowing he will not leave us.

Thank you for being on the journey with us

~Chelsea and Peter